Thoughts of a Procrastinator

What am I even doing with my life?
I am sat here; my brain is ticking over but the cogs won’t turn.
I am stagnant, unmoving.
Not a single productive thought will enter my brain yet I still helplessly push at the cogs.
The world blurs around me as I bathe in my sense of worthlessness and clutch desperately at any hint of motivation, eventually slipping into the pool of procrastination and self loathing.
Why am I like this?
I have so much ambition and so many dreams I want to achieve.
So why can I not convince my legs to run towards these goals?
My fear of failure is crippling; a strong force that will not even let me try in the first place.
Failure is my phobia.
It is my one true fear that prevents me from even crawling towards my dreams.
So that’s what they stay.
Dreams.
I sleep for hours on end, just so I can pretend that everything goes well, that success can be true for me.
I avoid the waking life where anxiety and social conditions cut off the circulation to my passions.
I want to be successful; I want to have my dreams become reality.
But I am afraid that I will fall before I even show the world who I am.
And that prevents me from even waiting in the wings of my dreams.
When all I want is to stand on the stage.

Published by Hannah Rachel

I am a Writer from the North West of England with a passion for books, writing, art and everything creative.

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